My art would be almost nothing without other peoples art and music.
My life would be nothing..
I love this song because its capturing everything I feel in this moment at 6am, awake and not able to fall back to sleep, for some odd and rare feeling of being totally honest with myself, bawling my eyes out..
"4 years and I still cry sometimes. First love never die."
- First Love Never Die, by SOKO..
Being alone has opened my heart to the memory and the realization of how wounded I still am, even after 2 serious relationships after my first..
my heart has been denying its own pain and distracting itself, ripping up the flowers that have grown from the emptiness of what was lost, in harvest for other broken hearts....
I loved with a wild spirit that was totally free. My heart was like a meadow of wildflowers, never walked on but only for myself to run free in the gardens of my soul.
What I mostly miss is the total surrender of my heart. My young, naïve, hopeful spirit totally giving in the true spirit of what love is... just freedom. I had never felt so much. My whole life was changed.
looking back I see what a child I was. my eyes fill with tears and my heart is breaking thinking of it.
We would lay on blankets at the beach and just be.
I don't think I ever healed and instead filled my broken heart with more people, one right after the other, breaking it even more. Things weren't working and were broken with both because I still am broken..
I wonder if I will ever love that freely ever again.
I cant really imagine it. I know too much.
Maybe someday. Maybe after a season of letting these flowers and trees root back into me.